Timon and Pumbaa At the Movies
by Lavenderpaw
Summary: You may not agree with them, but you know you love them - also contains more child-based reviews from Nala and Simba. Well, occasionally. It's mostly adult reviews from past movies.
1. Chapter 1

Episode 1.

*Timon swivels around in a rolling chair*

"Good evening."

"Bonjour!" Pumbaa heartily injects. He resides in a rolling chair, except much smaller.

"Today we review the result of an under appreciated, 45-year-old hack's wet dream."

Pumbaa pauses - and not for dramatic effect. "Eh, wet dream?"

"Sure, it's when you-,"

"When you're wet during a dream?"

*Timon gives the camera a deadpan look*

"Something like that…"

*They both swivel around in unison*

"Anywho, today we review an adult animated film improperly titled The Excruciatings."

"Pss, Incredibles."

"Whatever… so 'why' you ask, do I dislike this movie? Well, it 'aint Lion King. But that's for another story." Timon swivels around again. "Ya see, I just don't think it has much for the kids. Yes, yes, it does _feature _children. But the kids are blatantly not given very much

Screen time of their own. The movies jumps head over heels, elapsing time period over-,"

"Timon! Timon! We did that too in Lion King, remember?"

The merekat looks at him, "My point being," he says in exasperation and looks right into the camera again, "The Incredibles offers little in the way of heroes. So Mr. Incredible is able to reunite his family under one superhero roof, he only did it after puttin'em at risk."

"Timon-,"

"And for _what!.? _A gig that nearly costs him his life and causes him to lie to everyone."

"Timon-,"

"It's sick! If ya ask me, the silver-haired woman friend of the villain's shoulda grabbed onto

Mr. Incredible and laid one on his-," the merekat's name is shrilled loudly to stop him.

"What!.?"

"You forgot that it made oodles of money."

"Oh. But, still-,"

"And that it successfully spoofs old 60's movies."

"Well, there's that."

"And!" Pumbaa raises a hoof.

"Buddy, I wasn't about ta cut ya off."

"Oh. Well, it made lots of cash, brought in rave reviews and hoisted it's hack to the top of his game. Hmm, wish I knew what that word meant. Timon, will you tell me what a hack-,"

"_Any_ways! It's agreed that while some people like it… mostly spoof-starved adults with no sense of childhood wonder… others, eh, not so much. Why bother over this snoozer when The Iron Giant captured both adult and children's entertainment so well." Timon

squeezes Pumbaa's mouth shut. "Why bother over Fatatouille? A rat who cooks? Hehe."

"You, you called me fat?"

"Now, Pumbaa, buddy. Ya gotta understand-,"

"First you criticize one of my favorite movies of all time and now _this!_"

*Timon runs for the escape exit in the theaters*

"See ya next time!"

"Argh!"

"MAYBE NOT."

****

A/N:

The preceding feature has been made entirely for hilarity sakes and hilarity sakes only. Any pitchfork-or-torch-wielding angry mobs that have resulted of the completely innocent aforementioned feature have no one to blame but Timon. He's talks too much.

~ Lavenderpaw ~


	2. Chapter 2

Episode 2.

****

I.

*Terribly tone-deaf singing by our 'famous' duo commences*

"Timon and Pumbaa, at the movies…. Yeah!"

*Timon and Pumbaa swivel around in their chairs at the same time*

"Good evening, my friends." the merekat greets everyone.

"Timon, you said that last review. How about Gootin Aebin! That's German for-,"

"Anyways! Picking up where my offbeat oinker left off, here we are with another movie review for…" Timon checks some notes. "Dog movies! Now, most dog movies originate

from the silent German Shepherd movies of '20's picture shows." Pumbaa raises his hoof.

"Later, apparently before sound was invented, the 'movies' were on radio programs…"

"Ooo! Ooo!" Pumbaa waves his arms wildly to get the chance to speak.

*sigh* "Pumbaa."

"We're doin' a Lassie review, remember? Or my personal favorite, Old Yell-,"

"Beethoven!" Timon jumps up excitedly and throws his papers in the air. "A wonderful little movie about a Saint Bernard who braves the odds and finds a good home with a family called the Newtons, spawning three, or maybe four sequels, every kid from the 1990's-,"

Pumbaa plants himself on the merekat to stop him from talking. "You forgot the parts that the father in the movie gets whizzed on, mud shaken on, dog food on, plant soiled on and all the funny parts in between. It also features more wacky gags when the dog helps the-,"

Timon constricts Pumbaa's snout with his arms. "Sight gags and unimpressive gross-out moments aside, it also tells a compelling story of the children and adults unifying in love."

"Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Can't breathe." the warthog's words are muffled.

"Well, the loving unification of dog rescue anyway."

Pumbaa overtakes Timon. "They unify in various stunts normally found illegal." his much tinier friend struggles to reach up and wring his neck. "From the portrayal of underage driving to the possible promotion of assault and battery, parents should be forewarned-,"

Timon pounces on Pumbaa's head. "It's harmless fun and won't corrupt children."

*The two finally get into a scuffle*

"Toon in next time!" Are Timon's parting words.

"Really, though. Parents, please preview this feature before allowing your children to-,"

*Gets his lower lip pulled over his huge nose*

…

~ Lavenderpaw ~


End file.
